Er... I guess this post goes untitled

I am so bored. Good news! The book i ordered from the store is now available! In my defense the reason i'm so psyched is because it's the final (i think) in the series and it's an awesome series!

YAWN!

So... Tired... Must... Sleep... Playing mom is no fun. Well, it kinda is since i can go out shopping and buy whater, within reason of course. I'm reading "chicken soup for the teenage soul" which is ironic seeing as i'm veggie. Whatever, the point is that it's a good book. Now i really must get on and study. Ouch, lip peircing still kinda hurts...

HELP?!

There's this guy at school, who as stupid as it seems, i love. But the problem is, he is an old friend who won't even look at me. I hurt him and he hurt me, it was this whole thing. But the point is how do i get over someone i would walk over hot coals for? Should i try talking to him and risk being hurt all over again or should i avoid him at all costs and pray that i forget him in time? Someone save me!

just wanna say...

... thanks to twinkle for the advice, it wasn't cheesy at all! Also a poem of mine has been published on an authors website! YAY!

It's only 9.30?!

I've been up since 8.30, already i have helped search for a missing person, tried to eat peacefully and yell at mom for not resting her fractured ankle. Ahh well, all in a days (or in this case hours) work.

No time

I have just realised that i have been on computer whilst work is to be done. I'm now late. Gotta go. BYE!

I hate my dreams

Seriously. I had the dream where me and him were together again. It's annoying because it will never happen. So i get filled with hope, when i'm in that state of just waking up and then i remember what happened and i get filled with despair again. ARGH!!!! It's sad, annoying and many other emotions. Guess i'll just have to live with it. I know i come across all moody, mopey and emotional in this blog (that's 'cause i am) but i promise i'm not always like this. I'm usually a very peppy and happy person (I hide my feelings...ALOT!) But this blog is the only way to get things off my mind. I have no other way of doing that since anyone who i thought gave a crap... doesn't.

Okay...

So i've gone out for a job interview (which went fine, if you're wondering) and i've come back with my lip pierced. I dunno. It was a spur of the moment type of thing. I had the money and i have always intended to do it eventually. I wonder if school will go mad? Hope so... HA!

Oh no!

Just realised i have so much to do and all i've been doing is sitting, playing on the computer! I have a job interview in a minute as well. OH NO!!! Wish me luck, i'm gonna need every bit of it if i have any hope of getting there on time!

ARGH!

I saw him yesterday and i thought i was finally over him. Then i had a dream last night and it proved me wrong. In the dream he apologised to me for being such a bastard and there was some other confusing stuff about school, losing a bunch of pencils and my aunt singing abba in a high pitched voice (do not ask!) but the main point was clear: I want him back. Because when i woke up, i was depressed as hell. What am i going to do?!

Can't stop dreaming

All i can think about is what it would be like to perform in front a live audience...And a ton of other stuff, on another note i'm going to a gig on thurs. Can't wait! Urgh! My mind is so..."Blergh" is the only way i can describ it. Wierd. Hm well i gotta go get ready for club. So buh-bye, for now. I'll let you know how i get on with "he who will not be named."

Red is the new black

I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, LOVE my new hair. It is awesome. Today i have to see HIM, i haven't seen him since school let out. Guess in a few hours i'll know for sure if i'm over him. Don't think i am though...

Change

It's late, but i can't sleep. I'm bored, so i decided to write in and say hey to the world and share my thoughts with it. My nails need filing... I never let them get long. Also i can't wait until my hair appointment, i love it when my appearance changes, it kinda feels like I can change too. Like i'm an entirely different person. That is so what i need right now: a change. My life is the same, day in, day out. A change will be good. I wish i had a time machine so i could erase the mess i've made of my life. First it was crap, then it was good, then it was crappy again and then i met him, It was good for a while and then i messed it up AGAIN. Sometimes i think the people who know me would have been better off without me. On another note how could he do this to me?! i loved him and he left me! I really needed him, i still do... God listen to me whine. I never used to be like this. Ugh. Anyways, i suppose i better go, i have to get up early to run more bloody errands. See ya, fellow bloggers.

So, so, so, so tired

hey y'all. Man i'm beat. I've been out all day running errands and my feet are now killing me. I have finally scored a job interview so money could be coming in now! keeping fingers crossed. I really want my lip pierced and to start saving so i can 1) move out 2) go travelling 3) afford that really cool superman t-shirt i saw in town.

today is crazy

seriously. I wake up to find my mum has twisted her ankle so i have to do the shopping and everything whilst my exams loom closer and my coursework sits on my desk haunting me. The due date for that is also very close. my family is CRAZY! my cousin's a drunk, severl of my family members have mood swings so bad you could mistake them for rottweilers with PMS! ah well i have to go out now so buh-bye. hope y'all are havin' a better day than me. On a brighter note: getting my hair done tomorrow! Yay!

random thoughts, on random things

It's late. But i don't care. I don't wanna settle down, because when i do i'm haunted by the past and the past is not a pleasant place and i do not wanna go there again. I have just realised that i have family all over the world, it's kinda funny really. I'm rambling, what i really want to ramble about is him though. But i can't. It's still too painful. I'm gonna get my hair dyed a brighter red and cut above my shoulders on tuesday. And i'm gonna get my lip pierced soon, money problem or no. The school won't like it but i really don't care. I don't care about much these days. I've found that if you care too much about someone/thing it will only hurt so much more when they leave you. Because in the end everyone has to leave, whether it's their choice or not. i wonder about past lives, reincarnation, heaven, the after life and stuff like that alot. It's something that will continue to elude so many of us until we take that eternal sleep. That's a morbid thought... Ah well. Must sleep now. I'm soooooooo tired. I can't wait until i save enough money for a car and then i can go on a road trip around the UK and places that i would never have dreamed of. Now that's a pleasant thought!

the ten things that are bothering me

1. there is so much sadness in the world
2. i've gone through too much in the past four months, it's not normal
3. my best friend turned out to be an idiot
4. i have an addiction to chocolate, it may be tasty but it's bad for my skin!
5. neighbors complain too much about my music
6. i haven't got enough money to move out of the "parental unit" yet
7. i want to get my lip pierced but the money problem is stopping me
8. i can't decide whether or not to go to a new club in a few days
9. i want to run away from home, but i'm too chicken (probably a good thing)
10. my dad left and i have no idea where he's at
11. i've just discovered i'm whining too much.

It's a shame

it's a shame we'll never happen
its a shame we can never be
its a shame we won't go away
and live happily
it's a shame but we will live happily.
just not together.
i firmly believe
that good will come of this.
i have to or i think
my light that shines so bright
will disappear forever tonight

in case you haven't noticed...

... I love poetry. It's an outlet for my emotions. As you can probably tell, i'm going through a break up!

Still alone

I'm addicted to music and parties. I started smoking but i quit when i could no longer afford it. It wasn't that hard. The hardest thing i've ever had to do is say goodbye to my best friend, i still have to see him everyday, it's so hard. We used to hug and laugh and be stupid in town. It saddens me to think we will never share that again. We had so many plans... We were gonna live together and he was gonna faint at all of my big moments, like when i get married or something, I was gonna stop him getting all snooty when he met famous people from his job in the media. But i have to stay positive otherwise i'll go nuts. I'm better off a lone wolf, that way no one can hurt me.

why me?

I have been abandoned by someone i love, AGAIN! God, i'm sick of it! What is the point of getting to know someone and learning to love again only to get your heart snapped into little tiny pieces?! I mean, i trusted this guy with my life and he ruined it. I am not gonna say names or slag anyone off, because i know what that's like and you can't stoop much lower. And i've just notice that i'm rambling so i'm gonna go.

thoughts

I have this friend who is going travelling. I'm really gonna miss him. Aah well. Life goes on.

hello

hey! Hope y'all are havin' a good day. i'm not.