Dream world

He is living in a total dream world. He thinks that within a few months you can buy a car, learn to drive, pass your tests and be on the road. Considering we are dirt poor students who have minimum wage jobs that will be impossible! I don't think his time frame matches those of reality. He moves so fast he expects the world to move along with him. What if I'm too slow and he gets bored with me? What if he realises he's stuck on fast forward whilst I'm happy on play? Urgh! I want to scream out loud and/or just pack up and leave forever. I don't want to do this anymore. I want to go home... wherever that is.

A dark night ahead

I've lost all the faith i had in life and hope. I just feel so bleak and hopeless now. Even he can't help me. He's a part of the reason. I love him too much. I can't bear it anymore. He laid his hand on my back to guide me away from walking into a pole and it rested there for ages afterwards and i read so much into that it's stupid! Onto another subject. It's gonna take years to get to where i want to be and i don't mind paying my dues but what i do mind is people telling me what i want and when i should get it. It's not fair and he still expects me to fight for it and i don;t ant to anymore i just want to give up and let go.

Fear + loss = pain.

I feel so mixed up, but so empty. I feel hollow but not enough that all emotion is completely erased - that would be too kind. There's only one feeling left though: fear. Fear of losing him, fear that my plans for the future will backfire and fear that they will never happen. I hate this... I want it all to stop. I want him to hold me and tell me that everything will be OK but it won't be. Because one day he'll leave me again.