Decide on change

How does someone who can't decide what to have for breakfast in the morning decide something that will change their entire life?
I've always hated change. Now the biggest change in my life could be about to place...

I need help!

Concert

Eight days until the greatest concert in the world!

Insane!

I had a math and humanities exam. On both i finished very early. I answered all of the questions, then went over them again to be sure and i still had plenty of time. Is that good or bad? I dunno. Maybe the reason why i am so... intruiged by him now is because he is forbidden fruit - I can't have him so i want him. But then i can't have a lot of things but it doesn't mean i want them. But i don't have to see those things everyday, also it's worse because i had him and ballsed it up. So now i am officially insane because i am now having a debate with myself on a blog. Brilliant. I think i'm a little on edge since i have to go to the doctors in a minute. Bit nervous. Keep you posted.

Let go

I thought seeing him would clear things up for me. In one way i suppose it did, in another it made things a bit more difficult. We were standing in the corridor and some guys were messing about with a balloon (i never said the boys at my school were mature) and we both jump and the slightest sudden, loud noise so we backed off a little. He looked over at me and i swear he smiled. But what if i imagined it? JEEZ! Why can't i just let him go?! Media exam was crap. I think i ballsed it up in a major way. I see no point in continuing with my exams. Gonna fail anyways. Bollocks.

It won't happen

Right now I'm waiting. For my exam time to come around, for my life to start again and for him to realise how madly in love with me he is! Hm, no i know THAT will never happen. I'm not sure i even want him anymore, it's too much stress, although so is being without him... Hm, seems as if i lose either way, huh? For once i would like there to be a "win, win" situation for me. Once again that will probably never happen.

I hate my dreams

I had this dream last night. He invited me over to his place (which actually in reality is MY place!) and he declared his love for me. Weird thing is he kept changing appearances and stuff. Then when i decided to give him a second chance I had to prove myself to his parents, which i do and we live happily! Point is i thought i was over him and now this dream makes me feel all happy and hopeful and i am back to freaking square one! Whatever square one is... Feeling like this i suppose. ARGH! I think i know the problem... Well, part of the problem, it's that i hardly ever think about my past relationships and friendships (All of which have obviously ended - all terribly by the way) I don't want to, in a couple of years time, forget all about him because as much as i would never say this he was special. He was an ass, sure but he was definitely special. Maybe i should forget about him. Because these feelings are driving me insane.

Ready, set... GO!

Last night i barely got any sleep, consequently i am late for my exam, halfway through said exam i get an asthma attack, also where i have missed so many lessons i didn't get half the stuff written on the paper, I'm gonna fail i know it. So anyways i come home to discover that my family are out of their freaking minds and i think I'm gonna go insane! I have to decide on a college, fill out all these acceptance forms and EMA applications. I'm leaving in a month! I don't know if i can do this, if I'm ready for this... It's like life is a race and i showed up half a century after it started and now I'm running my hardest to catch up but no matter how fast i run, i can't catch up, I'm always miles behind. It seems like life is always gonna be that way for me.

Good vs Bad

First exam over. I think it went well, although i was concentrating more on not having an asthma attack than the actual paper. But all that considered i think it went just swimmingly. Humanities exam tomorrow. Joy. I can't believe we are leaving already, time has passed so quickly, although sometimes it feels like centuries have come and gone since even last year. At the moment i have phoenix (my budgie) sitting on my laptop chirping every time i type a letter in and walking all over the keyboard and quite frankly is getting in my way but i don't really mind i have a soft spot for cute animals. I don't know why. Ah that's better he has gone flying around the room now. Right where was i...? Oh yes, it feels like centuries have passed even though it's only been a year. In just one year i have changed so much that old friends do not even recognise me when they pass me in the street. I don't even recognise me when i look in the mirror. But like in so many other things i am unsure; i am unsure as to whether this change is good or bad.

I feel

Some days i feel like I'm made of stone. Emotionless. Numb. Today is pretty much one of those days. I can't be bothered to study even though i have an exam tomorrow. I don't know if that's stupid cockiness or just basic not caring. I can't really decide. All i know is that i miss... *sigh* i miss something i never really had. Hm, how can you get upset over something you never had, i wonder. Think I'll just go watch some t.v. A comedy, i think. Something to make me laugh, to cheer me up.