My magickal world: 2009-12-06

Saturday, 12 December 2009

Wish

I wish things could be clearer. I wish i didn't love him. I wish he would love me back. I wish... Wishes came true...

Wednesday, 9 December 2009

We got our wires crossed, now plans have changed for the worst and/or possibly cancelled. It's like he's allowed to bring someone along to this dance and I'm not, and it's not fair! (You don't know what the hell i am talking about but don't worry - i expect you are used to my rambles by now!) I can't handle all of this anymore - i have no strength left.

Monday, 7 December 2009

Disappointment

All the plans i had made for the future have just crumbled right before my eyes. I think i can feel a mental break down coming on right about now.

poetry of the damned

It's not fair.
I don't know who i am.
Why do i feel this way?
I'm never able to be myself. Not really.
There's always a piece locked away.
A secret i won't ever say.
A lie i'll never reveal.
I made a mistake. It cost me everything.
I'll never be the same again.
No one knows who i really am.
He thought he knew me, but he didn't.
She thought she saw me, but she didn't.
What they thought they knew and saw was a shadow of what was real.
Of what i really feel.
I'll never fit in. I'm an outsider. For that i thank God everyday!
Who wants to be cool when that includes getting drunk, smoking and screwing around?
But why does being an outsider have to be so hard?
I am different. More different than you know.
That's the point really... You will never know. Because i will never tell.

see ya around sometime

I'm leaving
tonight
on the first train to...
Wherever
How do you feel...
Now that i'm really gone?
Do you regret saying what you did?
Do you regret not telling me how you really felt?
Do you now regret leaving when i needed you the most?
I thought the pain would go on forever.
And i think a part of it will.
After all the people who you love never really leave you...
Or is that the people who love you?
Well, you see my point.
See ya around
when i'm fixed
not broken
Sometimes i forgive and forget
But for now, I'm just gonna say
See ya around sometime.

can't stop...

I can't stop hoping
I can't stop dreaming
I know there is no point
You will never come back
Everyone says i will meet someone else
But i don't want anyone else
Because i will never love again after this
You destroyed what little trust i had
and what little hope had appeared in my heart
I am now running in every possible direction
I'm changing everything you know about me
Everything you liked about me
I'm moving out of home and city
i'm sorry if i seem bitchy
when i say you ruined my life
you were cut so deep inside
I could have helped you heal
But i guess now we'll never know
If we could have made it in the big bad world
i guess i'll see you around sometime
When you've moved on with your family and home
And i'm still alone too scared to love again

Poem

I am not the missing piece of your puzzle.
I am not the song in your heart.
I am no longer the one you love.
I will always hope and dream
even though deep down
i know
i will never be the one you need.
the one you want.
we will never share our secrets.
never fly away into the night.
but that doesnt matter now
goodbye.
i have found someone else.
he's not at all like you.
this boy's strong, fast and dangerous.
it's scary but its real.
what we had wasn't real.
if it was, you would have held on tighter
and i wouldn't have let go
i'm carrying this boys baby and i want to tell someone so badly
i want to tell you. the shoulder i used to cry on.
but you won't pick up the phone, you won't look me in the eye.
oh well, i guess i'll have to go it alone.
because now my boyfriend's left me, he felt that he didn't have a choice
He said he would be a bad dad, not a good person to be around
my heart can't break, it's already been broken
but at least im not alone
i will never be alone for the next eighteen years unless... but that will never happen.

My magickal world

I will...

Saturday, 12 December 2009

Damaged

Wish

Wednesday, 9 December 2009

I can't fight this

Monday, 7 December 2009

Disappointment

poetry of the damned

untitled

see ya around sometime

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