May the heart grow fonder

We hung out today for like, seven hours. I had a blast and i think we will survive whatever hits us. But then it came to saying goodbye... It rips me up inside every single time i have to do it. I hate it with everything that's in me. Sure, maybe space is good and if we saw each other every minute of every day we would eventually get sick of each other. But i doubt it... I suppose that absence make the heart grow fonder though... Ugh, i don't know what's the matter with me... I just miss him all the time he's not here. But onto other equally important matters: My assignments are due on Monday, so i have to get to work on them... I think i might be dropping one of my courses, because although it's good (sort of) I'm not being challenged enough. There's nothing else i really want to report.

Past, present, future.

I went back to my old school today... And it was like, facing my demons. The last time i was there i was completely alone, I was trying (and failing) to get over him and i was in such a bad place i thought i might not survive. But now... I'm surrounded by people, my life is taking on a new chapter and I am in a happy relationship (there's no other word because what we have is more than friendship, we share a closeness that doesn't even compare) with my best friend. I don't want to go back anytime soon though. I've changed now and i want to face the future, not look back at the past.

...

Today was interesting. Hung out with some cool people. Took some photographs for class... Hmm. Yeah, i really don't have much to report right now...

Yes, it is.

Yes, love is worth it. Met up with him today and... Well, that's it really. Nothing else can be said. My day was made the moment i saw him... I can't believe I've gotten myself so wrapped up in one person... But i wish i could feel the way i do when I'm with him - Like all my troubles just disappear and I'm happy - all the time. But i can't.
Just now reality hit. The harsh, cold, realistic fact that i won;t be having surgery anytime soon. That i will never get to truly be myself until uni starts and i get as far away from my home town as possible. Oh well, I'll just have to deal.

I love him, but is it enough?

Are we meeting? I don't know because he won't bloody get back to me! Ah, how i did NOT miss this part of a relationship: the plans that might fall through, the "are we or are we not?" conversations or lack of. Urgh! Is love worth this?

Hugs and reassurment.

OK I'm over whatever bad crap that was happening yesterday and I'm happy again. Met a girl at college who speaks sense and who's a laugh. I like her. But i don't want my best friend to think I'm abandoning him for her so there will be lots of hugs and reassuring words in store, because it doesn't matter who i meet or where i go, he is my one and only best friend and although he will never feel the same there will always be a part of me that loves him unconditionally. I will always want to be with him even if i make a thousand new friends. I'm worried about him though. I don't think things are going too well for him. I wish i could be there for him. But i can't, at least not all the time. Especially when he won't open up and tell me when there is something wrong.

Baby steps

Ugh. I'm ill, pissed off, behind on coursework (already, if you can believe that!) and i have a hole of numbness that will never be healed - that sounds stupid but it's true, i can't feel anything except maybe sadness. I just need to chill, take some time out and just... Take things a step at a time in very small itsy bitsy baby steps.

The ramblings of me.

Bored and bored. A few things i have to do and then I'll be bored again. Listening to some awesome music... I find it incredible that some people have so much talent and they can achieve so much with it. It's inspirational in its own way. I'm back to writing songs and playing the guitar. Yes, most of my songs are still depressing and focus on heartbreak, but hey, that's the theme of my life and it makes sense to write about what you know. I know nothing but heartbreak so... Ugh! I hate it when i come over all self pitying and stuff. I am working to be more upbeat and peppy, but it'll take some work, it's hard to fight a habit of a lifetime, you know? I have seen some pretty inspirational people out there and i have heard some inspirational stories and it just... It gives me hope, and i am so bloody rambling so i'm gonna go and do... Something.