mistake

What do you do when you have made a mistake that you can't ever undo?

Talk

I am so bored. I wish i had someone to talk to.

The grieving process

I saw him today and i swear he looked like he was fighting back the tears. Probably because he has realised what a huge mistake breaking up with me was. Hm, i dunno. But i can't keep thinking of him, i don't want to miss him, i want to hate him. I want to forget about him. I was speaking to a teacher today and they said that psychologists would call it death. I'm in mourning at the moment because i have lost someone and now i am going through a grieving process. It makes sense but shouldn't i be done with the whole process now? Shouldn't he be nothing but a bad memory? OK i know that I'll never forget him but why doesn't he become a memory i can live with and cope with and be able to move on with? Still totally undecided about college.

Destiny and fate are screwing with me

Official last exam, unofficial last day. Last night i dreamed of him, we were talking like old times, i was so happy, then my mum brings up a conversation to do with him, then on the bus a woman had his name tattooed on her foot. I've been getting signs about him from all over! But what are they trying to tell me?! Nothing i suppose, it's just me stressing over nothing, it's just so frustrating. Just when i was getting over him, i get him thrown back in my face. But i don't care, I'm still over him.

Hectic shamble

I have an exam in exactly two hours. Great. Just great. I cannot find my concealer so i will probably have to go looking like a member of the undead (and not in a good, immortal and eternally beautiful way) now i am not some girlie girl who spends half of their time obsessing about looks but i also do not want to scare my baby cousin (if i ever saw her, which i rarely do) i just took some time out of my frantic search for stuff to fill you in on my hectic, shamble of a life.

why do i have to keep going through this?

Remember when i said the physical pain wasn't so bad? I spoke too soon...

Heat, pain and being alone

It's too hot. Want to go to the beach but the nearest one is a few miles away and i can't be bothered to get the bus, train and walk there, i would if it was sandy and perfect but it's pebbled and perfect? Not so much. Last exam on Thursday! Then i will only be at school to help the class with the year book in which we each have a page to ourselves and say whatever we want... Within reason of course. I have never felt so lost, so alone, so without hope. And there is no one in the world who will help me. Oh well, that's what being a loner's all about right? Being alone, forever. Pain comes in waves, right now the psychical pain isn't so bad and the mental is mostly scars... Sigh, today has just been a bad day. A bad, stressful agonizing day...

IDIOT!

So, i think it has been made official that i am the stupidest person EVER when it comes to talking to guys! I'm at my local salon getting my hair done (which looks fabulous by the way) and the hairdresser (who is extremely hot. Seriously the hottest guy i have met since him) starts talking to me. We're getting along fine when he asks me if i like football. I said no but that i get forced to watch it since i know a lot of people who love it. Anyways the conversation went to another subject i got some words wrong and phrased some things that made me look like a complete idiot judging by his look but we laughed it off when i managed a coherent sentence and said what i actually meant. Phew! but it doesn't make me any less stupid!! Ah well laugh it off eh? I am supposed to be getting some sleep/revision time in but i can't sleep or be bothered to revise which is why i took the time to fill you in on my utter lack of being cool. Hope you all have better luck chatting to the person you fancy!