Emotionless?

What if there's a chance that we could be friends again? Could i trust him enough to wipe the slate clean, or whatever? Would it be weird? Could we go back to just hanging out in town and laughing like hyenas? I don't know if he will even talk to me again. Two days ago i never would have thought that he would talk to me again, now he has put the possibility that we could try again back inside my mind. But what if he changes his mind? I don't think i could go through all that again. I have friends who say they won't let me go under again but i think if i get in that state of mind again, there will be no coming back from it. I never want to feel like that again, but i don't have a choice really. I either say "No, leave me alone." To him and always wonder what could have been. Or i could say "All's forgiven." And that could go either way, he could say that we should try and be friends or he could change his mind say "No way" like he did before and i end up getting so hurt, i'm scared that i won't be able to come back from that again, i barely managed to live a day, now i'm better but what if the hurt gets too much? Should i just see how things go and try to talk myself into being emotionless? It's too hard.