Done and change

This time last year i was sat in my room bored outta my head... The past really likes to repeat itself. But if it was last year i would just be about to meet an amazing guy who i fall in love with and we have a great summer together, going to carnivals, getting on trains with no destination in mind, going shopping and talking about everything. Funny how things change. I'm so angry, I'm really starting to hate him, but i don't want to. I just want to be able to move on but remember with happiness what we had. Truth is I'm not ready for a relationship or friendship or anything that includes trusting another person. Not yet. But i do wish he would talk to me or even look at me. I've spent my whole life invisible and now i realise that the one person who saw me, never actually looked properly, he wanted too much from me. He wanted the gold star friend, who liked what he liked and listened to him without ever having to listen himself. I'm missing a guy who doesn't exist anymore, who disappeared that day. But what if he is still there? Deep inside? *sigh* not my problem anymore. I'm done trying to help those who don't appreciate it.